To Alex

Hi Alex,

I can't believe I've known you for 7 years now. Though, it somehow feels like I've known you my whole life. I've written the notes below because I find that I see my slightly younger self in you a lot, so I thought that some of this could be useful to you.

Before I get to those though, I want to tell you that I am so deeply proud of you. To watch you take the courageous step of moving across the country at the age of 18, pursuing a beautifully laid out dream brings tears to my eyes and inspires me. I know — and I would NOT say this to most people who chose to leave home at a young age — but I know for sure that you are not only going to succeed, but you'll be thriving soon, and I am really looking forward to watching you blossom and bloom into who you are meant to be.

Well, here you are. You have moved (at least physically) and you are still alive (I am really hoping I don't jinx this one, my god…). Take a breath, look around you — wherever you are — and take a moment to notice that there are many things to be grateful for. You are in a position millions of girls around the world dream to be in, and one day you'll inspire them to get to where you are, and have as kind a soul as yours. Name 2 other things that you are grateful for and text them to me after.

This was my letter to you. You may leave and come back to this, but below are some things I think are important for you to be reminded of as you start on this journey. Feel free to refer back to this anytime you need :)

Some Things to Expect

• You will feel lonely. You will go from feeling established within many communities to having an identity crisis as you won't know what communities to associate with. This will take 3-6 months to improve, and one year to fully resolve.
• You will get a grade that is lower than you expected. It's okay.
• You will feel behind, as you'll be surrounded by all sorts of people, but you'll only compare yourself to the top 5.
• You'll meet people who you think you'll love, and people who you think you'll hate — and you'll realize that your first impressions are extremely unreliable and wrong half the time.

Your Mindset Shapes Your Reality

The way you go about processing the world around you shapes what kind of opportunities and events occur in your life. Your brain is biased to look for patterns you believe are true; therefore, if you believe it will be hard to find friends in uni, you'll find every little inconvenience when it comes to socialization. But if you choose to believe that university is an exciting place to meet new people, you'll find people exciting. Stay positive.

Use a Calendar

Non-negotiable: If it's not in your calendar, it doesn't exist. Everyone at uni will send you invites through Google Calendar (but if you use the default Apple one, you can sync the two; I'll show you how if you need).

Practice Gratitude

EVERY DAMN MORNING, write down one thing that you are grateful for. I promise you your mental health will go to shit if you don't. This will help with shaping your reality towards positive occurrences.

Be Around the Right People

This is self-explanatory. You become the average of who you spend your time with. If you want to be successful and achieve your ambitious goals, then being around people whose main priority is to attend frat parties will make those goals seem unattainable. But if the norm around you is ambitious people, then ambition becomes so much easier because it seems like a baseline.

It's Okay to Be Directionless

It's okay to question your values. It's okay to not know who you are for a year. DO NOT PUSH to find out; it'll find you eventually.

Practice Meditation

Don't smoke; do this instead, man. Use what I sent you.

Don't Hold Grudges

This is my biggest regret. People who've hurt you in high school, and people who will hurt you in uni, are often just growing. Do not hold grudges, as it will only burden yourself. It'll turn you angry, bitter, and untrusting. If you order a medium-rare steak and get well-done chicken, just enjoy it and eat the thing. If someone cuts you off in traffic, assume they have an emergency to attend to — you've got bigger fish to fry.

Comparison

YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN DAMN JOURNEY. If you'd like to be miserable, compare yourself to everyone around you. People display their highlight reels; you can't compare that to all of you.

Your Kind Heart

As you know, having a kind heart leads to an insane amount of pain and being walked over. A solution could be to close that heart off to people. That is not the right solution. You will go criminally insane if you try and hide from who you truly are. You are tender-hearted; accept that and learn to be proud of it. Learn to protect yourself while having a good heart — the two are not opposites.

Please, i’m always a text or a phone call away, so do not keep anything within. Call me or text me (or anyone else you trust for that matter) and TALK ABT UR DAMN FEELINGS.

With so much love,
Ali Hosseini.